Tag: pain

I didn’t like you

Somehow I’ve told you everything

I never thought I would,

Then have the audacity to say to me

All the things I “should”

I didn’t understand your positivity

Far too afraid to ask

Hoping one day you would give to me

A moment of your past

Is that what they gave to you

Something I couldn’t

When it all started out so terribly

How could you ever really like me?

Life full of drama running from impending trauma

Too foolish to find my way out

I don’t know why I did it

Can’t see you without him

That you are the last piece of who I was before all of this

Before I was sad and hopeful,

I had a plan

Now I’m bent and broken

On healings long worn path.

away

Pillows around my body to assure rest

Surely somewhere there is a heart beating

Through the wiring and pangs of death

Will I always feel you with me?

Did you have to break me?

So terribly and deeply,

Pull at the scab blending, into skin.

The winding and melting of our limbs.

Guess you were a mate of my soul.

Hoped that you’d be mine to hold,

And keep just a little while longer.

Maybe if I were a little stronger,

I could sip from your glass have full,

Be the one to push when you pulled.

flip it

my read is so fire if you flipped it

you’d think im cursing

matter fact if you don’t script it

you’ll see its cursive

God is my father

watch out you’ll be burning

God is my mother

she’ll take you out of this world and

you acting like it’s astrophysics

im an alchemist,

i mix this pain like a chemist.

god sent you a real one

turned you to a lesson

arms too short to box with God

next time ill move and not feel this harm

now i have to learn and you get this karma

got my script so I dip,

now you heading to phrama – see

now you get what’s coming to you.

warned you before, can’t stop what they do.

mr. unavailable

excellent service mr. unavailable

emotionally, spiritual and intellectual.

-ly lacking and siphoning

my energy,

with drops of love

so i decided to fill my cup.

and although I’m ever so grateful

this is the year of the faithful.

those who recognize and give their due.

treasure a treasure and not play the fool.

consolation lies in reciprocating,

yet a well run dry leaves one only waiting.

for that which will never come.

can’t call myself dumb.

i believed your every word,

and that which was left unspoken.

you healed the places that were broken,

filled the spaces gone unnoticed.

here there is no blame, only acknowledgement

theres no direction so i can’t follow it.

or you – down this path to nowhere.

it was nice while it lasted

so follow your passions

signed -ms. unavailable.

Grandmother’s Table

Chapter One

She pulled over at the front of her house. It was raining, that misty light rain showering the sidewalk. The back window was rolled down, so that Kobe, her four year old Labradoodle, could hold his head out the window.

She had to finish this text. She would send it, he would think she was crazy, say “Okay” or maybe put up some resistance. But ultimately he would leave. She’d tested him enough. If he couldn’t get past her whirlwind of thoughts, emotions and high expectations, how could he manage the father of her children?

Ahmad would have to believe her. He would have to trust her, if they were to ever have anything more. Taliah couldn’t help but push him away, so she tapped away…

I feel like I wanna end things with us. I am so triggered by small things. When I’m with you things are so awesome then after a few days I’m anxious. This could be for many reasons, but would primarily include the marriage I was in. That’s why I have gone back to therapy.

Nonetheless, I thought that aspect of feelings would go away this second time around with you. I felt I could handle this type of relationship with you. And really I can’t. So, I find myself in the same space as before.

You have been so patient and gracious with me. How I behaved at the party was very embarrassing. And at the same time reminded me of how I was treated for many years. I felt like I became the person who hurt me so badly.

Is this dramatic? Yes, but my feelings be so strong. Anyways, you’re living the single childless life and it’s like your friend said…I have baggage. It doesn’t feel like baggage to me since everyone has some, but I get it. I can’t do the limbo thing with you, even though that’s what people do nowadays. It’s stressful and as much as I want you, I don’t want to be stressed. Maybe I’m archaic and an anti-feminist but this is not for me. This literally makes me feel crazy.

Should she send it? Before he had cancelled their plans together, Taliah was already on edge. These guys were either crazy, ridiculous or boring. Dating felt like being greased up with Aquafor and pushed down a 100ft metal slide. Just today, she dropped two serial texters within the last four hours.

But she felt better now. Maybe she’d save the message and talk to him about her feelings later. Ahmad had a rough day and since he’d told her that he’d be out of touch the next few days, she saved it in her notes and texted,

Hope you have a better night.

She felt like a dumbass.