Goals

Kai drove into town mind running, fueled by one statement and question, “You guys were goals! What happened?” They really were. She loved that man like her life and salvation were dependent on it. As a devout Christian, and a child of divorce she would never separate her family, and she would never make her children face the pain and instability of a broken home. The home her and Jeremy created in their twenties slowly began to crumble but from the inside. The facade remained in tack but as if termites ate away at the scaffolds of her mental health and the splinter in her eye was perceived by Jeremy as a beam. Somehow the emotional abuse she’d faced behind the closed door of their bedroom crept down the hall morphing into a monster she could not reason with.

It was by God’s grace that she had birthed two children and for Kai, they were the sun and moon. The days and nights spent alone caring for her family were illuminated by the lives of Damascus and Taliah. Yet they also slowly revealed the other side of Jeremy. And when she knew better, Kai resolved to do better. Even if it meant abandoning the god she worshipped all her life.

love island

Just realized that I’m not crazy

That everything I want

I totally deserve

Conflict happens when I’m given shit

And I turn around like, “I don’t want this.”

They keep giving me their worst

Knowing I am and give my very best

The swimming pool has piss

Find someone else to wade in this

I can’t wait for this

Or that shit.

I resist

Resistance.

Be like water my friend

On this love island.

armor

I’ve worn my pain like armor,

Now there is no need.

Especially when I see

that my anxiety

is a

Burden.

I’ve expressed myself authentically

While intentionally hiding my pain.

I’ve gone to the depths of me and realized

I’m not so scary.

I will not implode,

Explode

Evaporate

Or discenigrate

I imagined I am stronger than I think.

And my thoughts take flight

Have you laughing with Aladdin

On a magic carpet ride.

So I will protect you

from my shadow

By standing in my power and healing

That “I’m a bad mutha…

“shut yo mouth.”

From the womb of Jim Crow parents

And sharecroppers of Mississippi

Granddaughter to a grandmother who

remembers that her grandmother was “an African”

How could I ever rob you from infinite joy

And rest that is your birthright?

When your home is justice

and patience gives way to the revolutions fight.

I will not be a “Baby Mama”

With all this drama.

I will be a “Bad Motha…

“Shut yo mouth”

flip it

my read is so fire if you flipped it

you’d think im cursing

matter fact if you don’t script it

you’ll see its cursive

God is my father

watch out you’ll be burning

God is my mother

she’ll take you out of this world and

you acting like it’s astrophysics

im an alchemist,

i mix this pain like a chemist.

god sent you a real one

turned you to a lesson

arms too short to box with God

next time ill move and not feel this harm

now i have to learn and you get this karma

got my script so I dip,

now you heading to phrama – see

now you get what’s coming to you.

warned you before, can’t stop what they do.