Tag: self love

flip it

my read is so fire if you flipped it

you’d think im cursing

matter fact if you don’t script it

you’ll see its cursive

God is my father

watch out you’ll be burning

God is my mother

she’ll take you out of this world and

you acting like it’s astrophysics

im an alchemist,

i mix this pain like a chemist.

god sent you a real one

turned you to a lesson

arms too short to box with God

next time ill move and not feel this harm

now i have to learn and you get this karma

got my script so I dip,

now you heading to phrama – see

now you get what’s coming to you.

warned you before, can’t stop what they do.

mr. unavailable

excellent service mr. unavailable

emotionally, spiritual and intellectual.

-ly lacking and siphoning

my energy,

with drops of love

so i decided to fill my cup.

and although I’m ever so grateful

this is the year of the faithful.

those who recognize and give their due.

treasure a treasure and not play the fool.

consolation lies in reciprocating,

yet a well run dry leaves one only waiting.

for that which will never come.

can’t call myself dumb.

i believed your every word,

and that which was left unspoken.

you healed the places that were broken,

filled the spaces gone unnoticed.

here there is no blame, only acknowledgement

theres no direction so i can’t follow it.

or you – down this path to nowhere.

it was nice while it lasted

so follow your passions

signed -ms. unavailable.

Grandmother’s Table

Chapter One

She pulled over at the front of her house. It was raining, that misty light rain showering the sidewalk. The back window was rolled down, so that Kobe, her four year old Labradoodle, could hold his head out the window.

She had to finish this text. She would send it, he would think she was crazy, say “Okay” or maybe put up some resistance. But ultimately he would leave. She’d tested him enough. If he couldn’t get past her whirlwind of thoughts, emotions and high expectations, how could he manage the father of her children?

Ahmad would have to believe her. He would have to trust her, if they were to ever have anything more. Taliah couldn’t help but push him away, so she tapped away…

I feel like I wanna end things with us. I am so triggered by small things. When I’m with you things are so awesome then after a few days I’m anxious. This could be for many reasons, but would primarily include the marriage I was in. That’s why I have gone back to therapy.

Nonetheless, I thought that aspect of feelings would go away this second time around with you. I felt I could handle this type of relationship with you. And really I can’t. So, I find myself in the same space as before.

You have been so patient and gracious with me. How I behaved at the party was very embarrassing. And at the same time reminded me of how I was treated for many years. I felt like I became the person who hurt me so badly.

Is this dramatic? Yes, but my feelings be so strong. Anyways, you’re living the single childless life and it’s like your friend said…I have baggage. It doesn’t feel like baggage to me since everyone has some, but I get it. I can’t do the limbo thing with you, even though that’s what people do nowadays. It’s stressful and as much as I want you, I don’t want to be stressed. Maybe I’m archaic and an anti-feminist but this is not for me. This literally makes me feel crazy.

Should she send it? Before he had cancelled their plans together, Taliah was already on edge. These guys were either crazy, ridiculous or boring. Dating felt like being greased up with Aquafor and pushed down a 100ft metal slide. Just today, she dropped two serial texters within the last four hours.

But she felt better now. Maybe she’d save the message and talk to him about her feelings later. Ahmad had a rough day and since he’d told her that he’d be out of touch the next few days, she saved it in her notes and texted,

Hope you have a better night.

She felt like a dumbass.

Click

I’m still not sure if I want to engage

in this play

Of exploitation and capitalism

If I tapped out right now

Finally took a bow

Leaving behind nepotism’s prison

suddenly then came the hit

Like finally something clicked

And I saw all I wanted in you.

The synchronicities are uncanny

You meet me where I’m lacking

Pushing aside my greatest fears

The pursuit and your need to have me near

You ask if this is too much

And I think it’s more than enough

Delaying gratification to satisfy

A false sense of security that denies

The existence of a broken heart

healing slowly

Rejecting those who are lonely

as they do her

With sugar coated lips that lie and deter

From truth

They are her mirror

so she goes within

Hoping it clicks and she detaches

Coming in and out of the matrix

Finally with herself again

Hoping the next time she plugs in

Every loss will feel again like a win.