Tag: love

i’m the bad guy

I don’t have to be the one

but never make me the two.

I’m not the jealous type

but I don’t play the fool.

I understand a good girl gone bad

so much about it resonates.

This suppressed rage can drive one mad

rather keep it in and regulate.

Yet the moment they let loose

lips full of lies reveal the truth.

Watch how quickly I change

use my words to rearrange

Your whole soul

Because you thought I didn’t know

Behind the smile and understanding eyes

Is a mind that reads between the lines

Had to finally decide

that this good girl is gone forever.

And you all were the catalyst.

So much so that in my heart of hearts

I can’t be mad at this.

You.

Me.

Or even them.

Because I let you think that you were him

So really…I am the bad guy.

Truly a magician.

Watch how quickly I change

and you’ll be wishing you were him.

i ❤️ suffering

I release the need for suffering

Stopping time to dwell in the past,

letting guilt and shame sweep over me

Where are my flaws?

I see them all

crouching angrily at the door of violation,

weak boundaries, fear and self depreciation

All the good done with a knife behind their back,

lured by another sad song they slowly attacked.

Bit by bit til there’s little left

and I finish the job riddled with regret,

For all that could have been avoided

had I listened to me, the truth – divinity.

Warning me not to satisfy my insatiable curiosity

the beauty of our species and their depravity.

I’d wonder how they’d break my heart in the light of my love.

I’d ponder the ending, manifesting a betrayal as epic as Judas.

Then grieve, shout and sob whilst clenching my chest.

111

Shit just hit me like a ton of bricks

I’ve been healing so long that I’m feeling sick

And tired of being sick and tired

All those who’ve applied have been fired.

The turnover is out of control

For a lovergirl who’s out on parole

One one one

One for the money

One for the love of my life

One last dance to the beat and this rhyme

Of melancholy, betrayals and deception

Knowing my ancestors are my protection

Spirit guides don’t fail me now

I’m the captain of this ship

Universe let’s take a bow

Karmic debts been paid.

It’s time to cash out.

not so arbitrarily

this ache in my chest

and water in my eyes

never thought i was good at goodbyes.

could i be less direct?

lay it down with more finesse?

i imagine your love story without me

a supporting role as an obstacle

to the one who got away,

or the one who never came.

because when i did

they were still first on your list.

i image you reuniting with this long lost love

and remembering me as the one who pushed,

or shoved

you over that fence

you so easily straddled

while i giggled and gaggeled,

gushed over you and the door you opened

to a whole new world i was too afraid to discover,

on my own

and alone,

there could be no better guide,

so i’ll exit stage left

love has its own compass

i hope it’s you love finds…

not so arbitrarily.