Tag: books

Grandmother’s Table

Chapter One

She pulled over at the front of her house. It was raining, that misty light rain showering the sidewalk. The back window was rolled down, so that Kobe, her four year old Labradoodle, could hold his head out the window.

She had to finish this text. She would send it, he would think she was crazy, say “Okay” or maybe put up some resistance. But ultimately he would leave. She’d tested him enough. If he couldn’t get past her whirlwind of thoughts, emotions and high expectations, how could he manage the father of her children?

Ahmad would have to believe her. He would have to trust her, if they were to ever have anything more. Taliah couldn’t help but push him away, so she tapped away…

I feel like I wanna end things with us. I am so triggered by small things. When I’m with you things are so awesome then after a few days I’m anxious. This could be for many reasons, but would primarily include the marriage I was in. That’s why I have gone back to therapy.

Nonetheless, I thought that aspect of feelings would go away this second time around with you. I felt I could handle this type of relationship with you. And really I can’t. So, I find myself in the same space as before.

You have been so patient and gracious with me. How I behaved at the party was very embarrassing. And at the same time reminded me of how I was treated for many years. I felt like I became the person who hurt me so badly.

Is this dramatic? Yes, but my feelings be so strong. Anyways, you’re living the single childless life and it’s like your friend said…I have baggage. It doesn’t feel like baggage to me since everyone has some, but I get it. I can’t do the limbo thing with you, even though that’s what people do nowadays. It’s stressful and as much as I want you, I don’t want to be stressed. Maybe I’m archaic and an anti-feminist but this is not for me. This literally makes me feel crazy.

Should she send it? Before he had cancelled their plans together, Taliah was already on edge. These guys were either crazy, ridiculous or boring. Dating felt like being greased up with Aquafor and pushed down a 100ft metal slide. Just today, she dropped two serial texters within the last four hours.

But she felt better now. Maybe she’d save the message and talk to him about her feelings later. Ahmad had a rough day and since he’d told her that he’d be out of touch the next few days, she saved it in her notes and texted,

Hope you have a better night.

She felt like a dumbass.

existential ramblings

I am so tired and angry

Why won’t life just let me be

Leave me alone to sink

Instead of offering solace

In making my self better

All the things to be done

Just to function

Releasing oneself from this matrix

Should be treated as an act of bravery

To find the end of self to only see nothingness

It takes bravery to risk the pain of those who love you to escape this fate

What if I was weak and easy to break

Would anyone of you given me a break?

Or would you surrounded me like prey

It takes courage to face the fact

that in each of our realities we are the victim

So we all are antagonist in each others stories

We compile many virtues to tell a tale of glory

Or one of pity and betrayal

Is this existence solely to do one harm?

I know im not innocent.

Because I am just, right and pure

The more you fuck around and find out

that I’m not so sure.

Who sent me flowers or brought me a meal?

Who showed up at my door with a care package?

Who has done any of the things I would do for them?

Then I realize that I’m so imperfect.

I can’t always be there for everybody,

No matter how hard I try someone is gonna say you could have done better?

Maybe so, but maybe no.

Because I can’t and I’ve tried.

easier to run away or die.

Maybe just disappear without a trace.

Isn’t that what death is? Either way you flip it.

How could they leave me and not give me what I need?

Who is so much better than me?

Am I not enough for them to do better?

What about us? Isn’t that enough and even more?

The greatest miracle would be a divine counterpart.

Or a human who loves themselves so much that everything is always enough.

I’ll just go back to sleep and plug back in

Wake up and do it all over again.

The Rage of Dragons (The Burning, #1) Review

The Rage of Dragons (The Burning, #1)The Rage of Dragons by Evan Winter
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Dragons, magic, war, revenge and resistance against classism? Who can resist? I enjoyed this book and Winter’s writing style. The magic system is unique where Tau has the unlikely ability of the “gifted” to transport himself to the underworld and battle demons. Winter didn’t delve too deeply into the magic system and we learn, alongside Tau, more about its origins and effects on the world around him. This book has a little bit of everything and it was dope to read another fantasy novel with people of color. Excited for the next installment!

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Barracoon: The Story of the Last “Black Cargo” Book Review

Barracoon: The Story of the Last “Black Cargo”Barracoon: The Story of the Last “Black Cargo” by Zora Neale Hurston
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Just, wow. The editor Deborah G. Plant did an amazing job putting Hurston’s manuscript into, “The Story of the Last Black Cargo.” The early life of Cudjo in West Africa prior to his illegal capture, transport, and enslavement in America was eye opening. There are very few narratives of freedmen, and to learn about his life prior to captivity made this “peculiar institution” an even greater evil. Cudjo’s vernacular, stories and histories revealed the reality of enslaved Africans lives before it all went to hell.

Foolish fallacies passed down as facts are revealed as lies,

“We come in de ‘Merica soil naked and de people say we naked savage. Dey say we doan wear no clothes. Dey doan know de Many-costs snatch our clothes ‘way from us.” -Cudjo

The reality of police brutality from the Emancipation Proclamation until now,

“Somebody call hisself a deputy sheriff kill de baby boy now… he say he de law, but he doan come ‘rest him…Oh, Lor’! He shootee my boy in de throat. He got no right shootee my boy. He make out he skeerd my boy goin’ shoot him and shootee my boy down in de store…Dey doan do nothin’ to de man whut killee my son.” -Cudjo

No reparations for Freedmen and the onset of economic and social freedom in America,

“Cap’n jump on his feet and say, ‘Fool do you think i goin’ give you property on top of property? I tookee good keer of my slaves in slavery and derefo’ I doan owe dem nothin? You doan belong to me now, why must I give you my lan’?” This was Cudjo’s former master’s response to his request for land upon emancipation after laboring five years and six months as a slave without pay.

A response to “Go back to Africa!” upon emancipation,

“We work hard and try to save our money. But it too much money we need. So we think we stay here.” -Cudjo

Honestly, I could go on and on about this book. The most affirming part was the Afterword. Please read this book for yourself, as Plant states, “Barracoon does not articulate an explicit political agenda. And it does not speak with the kind of heroic, self-possessed, and self-realized voice associated with black autobiography.”

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