Tag: vent

mr. unavailable

excellent service mr. unavailable

emotionally, spiritual and intellectual.

-ly lacking and siphoning

my energy,

with drops of love

so i decided to fill my cup.

and although I’m ever so grateful

this is the year of the faithful.

those who recognize and give their due.

treasure a treasure and not play the fool.

consolation lies in reciprocating,

yet a well run dry leaves one only waiting.

for that which will never come.

can’t call myself dumb.

i believed your every word,

and that which was left unspoken.

you healed the places that were broken,

filled the spaces gone unnoticed.

here there is no blame, only acknowledgement

theres no direction so i can’t follow it.

or you – down this path to nowhere.

it was nice while it lasted

so follow your passions

signed -ms. unavailable.

perspective: a series

One day I will have the courage to tell my tale. I won’t be afraid of those who won’t believe me or just brush it off. There will be someone on this earth whom I could always trust to try to understand. I am a vault, so much so that when I was dying inside I looked like I was winning. In spite of it all God honored my prayers and blessed me and my children. Although I played a silent role in that film, I was the director and producer.

Just watched a video of Tabitha Brown testifying about the goodness of the Lord. As she describes her lowest state, I resonated so deeply with that. To see where God has brought her in 6 short years is mind boggling. At this big age; I wonder if there is a better life out there for me. I have always had my dreams of grandeur for my life, but it just never came to be. It never was the reality I so desperately wanted at every stage and phase of my life.

I have always thought that it could be better. People could be kinder, loyal, loving and true. I always knew I deserved better, yet in the most desolate of times there was always a ram in the bush. And every time I made it out I was given even more hope in the beauty of life and humans.

And one day I decided to come out of the shadows, to speak up for myself and those I loved. That I and we would not be misused any further. That the generational pattern ended with him and me; EVEN IF that ended him and me. The cost was way too high, I could not risk the very reasons I lived and persevered.

When the jig was up, the mask fell off and I was public enemy number one, in a new city and unemployed.

existential ramblings

I am so tired and angry

Why won’t life just let me be

Leave me alone to sink

Instead of offering solace

In making my self better

All the things to be done

Just to function

Releasing oneself from this matrix

Should be treated as an act of bravery

To find the end of self to only see nothingness

It takes bravery to risk the pain of those who love you to escape this fate

What if I was weak and easy to break

Would anyone of you given me a break?

Or would you surrounded me like prey

It takes courage to face the fact

that in each of our realities we are the victim

So we all are antagonist in each others stories

We compile many virtues to tell a tale of glory

Or one of pity and betrayal

Is this existence solely to do one harm?

I know im not innocent.

Because I am just, right and pure

The more you fuck around and find out

that I’m not so sure.

Who sent me flowers or brought me a meal?

Who showed up at my door with a care package?

Who has done any of the things I would do for them?

Then I realize that I’m so imperfect.

I can’t always be there for everybody,

No matter how hard I try someone is gonna say you could have done better?

Maybe so, but maybe no.

Because I can’t and I’ve tried.

easier to run away or die.

Maybe just disappear without a trace.

Isn’t that what death is? Either way you flip it.

How could they leave me and not give me what I need?

Who is so much better than me?

Am I not enough for them to do better?

What about us? Isn’t that enough and even more?

The greatest miracle would be a divine counterpart.

Or a human who loves themselves so much that everything is always enough.

I’ll just go back to sleep and plug back in

Wake up and do it all over again.

unsubscribe

this membership no longer serves me

as a customer, you do not deserve me.

every year the subscription increases

deliveries turn up in pieces.

infrequent, sub par, all smoke and no fire

delinquent, bizarre, an insurmountable pyre.

not giving all it was supposed to have gave

newsletter says, the customer is to blame.

demand is too high,

expectations unrealistic,

“look around, are you blind?

we’re the best in business!

you signed the dotted line,

can’t kick us to the curb!”

well I pay too much damn money

to be underserved.

as a loyal customer I know you can find another,

I was your first, I know what they’ll discover.

but I promise I won’t give the disclaimer away,

they’ll never believe me, the campaigns underway.

so quietly i click, no response or reply

i humbly confirm, and click unsubscribe.

Busting Through Bricks Like the Kool Aid Man

Today marks the last month of student teaching and let me just say that graduate school are not for mother’s with a husband and children.  Matter of fact, school is for kids, not real adults.

aqui estoy the kid who would be king GIF by 20th Century Fox

Anyways, check out that title!  I seriously considered walking out the class today.  Pretty sure my kids gave me a legit headache and actually made my head spin so quick that I had to ask my CT for some on site pain reliever.

My Professor posted a discussion question entitled, Your journey & a jump out the window story.  He describes a teacher actually jumping out of a second story window, dangling on the ledge, running to his car, burning rubber never to be seen or heard of again.  I don’t blame the guy.

excited oh yeah GIF

You just might see me busting through my oblong windowless classroom like the Kool-Aid man.