nothing that’s growing ever stays the same
anything growing will always change
whether maturing or decaying
so i will know when they ride this wave
they stay afloat
i know myself, what i am and not
finally love myself, okay with those who cannot
it’s not weakness or the frailty within
it’s common ground, what makes us akin?
similar in struggle, destiny, traumas and fate
it’s only flesh and within the godhead remains
the nucleus of souls intertwined with the divine
this is how i will know
what a wild trip around the sun
when i began this adventure
the goal was singular
to satisfy my appetite
many lessons learned
i cringe when thinking about the burn
never had this stage of life
throwing caution to the wind and taking flight
who knew this cliff could be so high
now addicted to the thrill knowing i survived
how again will i cheat death
gale force winds to take my breath
to kiss you once again
feel the softness of your skin
roll over with laughter
as we dance in the livingroom
hips rolling, vibes flowing
light the green
set the scene
another round of you and me
i wonder this time
where we’ll be
One day I will have the courage to tell my tale. I won’t be afraid of those who won’t believe me or just brush it off. There will be someone on this earth whom I could always trust to try to understand. I am a vault, so much so that when I was dying inside I looked like I was winning. In spite of it all God honored my prayers and blessed me and my children. Although I played a silent role in that film, I was the director and producer.
Just watched a video of Tabitha Brown testifying about the goodness of the Lord. As she describes her lowest state, I resonated so deeply with that. To see where God has brought her in 6 short years is mind boggling. At this big age; I wonder if there is a better life out there for me. I have always had my dreams of grandeur for my life, but it just never came to be. It never was the reality I so desperately wanted at every stage and phase of my life.
I have always thought that it could be better. People could be kinder, loyal, loving and true. I always knew I deserved better, yet in the most desolate of times there was always a ram in the bush. And every time I made it out I was given even more hope in the beauty of life and humans.
And one day I decided to come out of the shadows, to speak up for myself and those I loved. That I and we would not be misused any further. That the generational pattern ended with him and me; EVEN IF that ended him and me. The cost was way too high, I could not risk the very reasons I lived and persevered.
When the jig was up, the mask fell off and I was public enemy number one, in a new city and unemployed.
ive had a long cool down.
lonely but not alone with you around.
out of the habit of loving you
like ive always wanted to.
not sure when i gave up, just kept you in a box
never to be opened up, i kept you on lock.
sometimes peeking with hope in my heart,
only to be bitten by your intemperate maw.
you were insecure, anxious, afraid and unpredictable,
i was passive, accommodating, patient and faithful.
everything that i am crushed under this weight,
buried down deep in the waste of your wake.
you were a beast, could i be the beauty?
surely i am flawed, building walls for security.
but its not your fault entirely, we’ve identified the imbalance.
prognosis and remedy giving you this last chance.
teachquelle 