not so arbitrarily

this ache in my chest

and water in my eyes

never thought i was good at goodbyes.

could i be less direct?

lay it down with more finesse?

i imagine your love story without me

a supporting role as an obstacle

to the one who got away,

or the one who never came.

because when i did

they were still first on your list.

i image you reuniting with this long lost love

and remembering me as the one who pushed,

or shoved

you over that fence

you so easily straddled

while i giggled and gaggeled,

gushed over you and the door you opened

to a whole new world i was too afraid to discover,

on my own

and alone,

there could be no better guide,

so i’ll exit stage left

love has its own compass

i hope it’s you love finds…

not so arbitrarily.

i want you to see me

i want you to see me

grounding and inspiring, my heart has not been the same 

since we last exchanged

laughs, words, dreams and thoughts

still longing for what i thought we were – ought

to be and meant to be

more than memory

i can feel your pull from so far away

never feeling your touch, i wish you had stayed.

yet you tried to fight for me while telling me to go

you had no time to communicate 

with someone whose words came too slow.

i felt so inadequate. 

lacking the the words and phrases 

to articulate all my moons waves and phases.

yet where you are is where you should be.

i fear that i could never be…

enough. 

although i want so much

am i digging in the dirt?

scavenging for scraps 

when i should tend to my own garden

sew my own patch

work-ing on me

with words i release this anxiety 

that feels it would ease 

if you could just see

me.

speak to me

Something about the way

the sway of your voice lulls my wounds to sleep

Something in the things you say

Makes my broken heart released

The sigh of relief held in

Not knowing whether id sink or swim

atop ripping curls

So instead, I rest and allow myself to float

And hold onto your every note

The pentameter of wisdom

Smoothing loose paths

Telling my heart to hold fast

To hope, to love, and to be loved again

To find in you, a homie, lover and friend

So speak to me and let your actions be heard

And let my heart repeat, til I believe those words

goodnight moon 🌙

on a day like today I long for you

to hold me in your arms

Moon looks down from afar

Nights sky pulls over me

blanketing pain and assuaging fears

while whispering dreams you wipe my tears

In the crook of your neck

Nuzzling and cuddling

Soothing the creases and crumbling

Tumbling under you

Rolling onto you

riding the rippling waves of this tide

upon a skiff my cares float by

wind tossed and waters flow

with gasping sighs and deep moans

taking me up, up, up

all around you

tightening, breathing the current ensues

pulling you deep, deep, deep

into my sea, soaking and wet

goodnight moon

may I drift into this rest

the greatest of these

The frustrating thing about being

in this space place and time, I’m seeing

Is feeling offbeat missing words to the rhyme

or reason. but no matter the season

I will always believe in

the depth, height, and width of love.

Because it conquers all, it forgives much

and never loses touch

of the divinity of humanity.

Storge, philia*, eros, and agape

and one day it will roll and rock me.

On its waves I will drift

with a lover who is willing

to do the work it takes for healing

the trauma from the drama

of this human experience

and to realize that it was all an experiment.

The variables of fear and the constant of love,

the dark night of the soul,

the whole from which we’ve dug,

out of and into a new reality

where we are we and can simply just be.

Let’s hold hands and proceed on this journey.

Who knows how much time we have?

Let us eat, drink and be glad.

Surpass the frivolities of all the animosity.

Bypass the petty disputes of blind men seeking an excuse,

to do the harm they do without remorse and vain pursuits.

Excuse me,

can we have this dance?

Get our backs up off the wall and write our own romance?

One that will never be believed

and when they finally look up to see

abundance will be our receipts.

We’ve cashed out.

So pack light my love

we know this is enough

Because love conquers all,

we are too lifted to ever fall.

*philia is one of the four ancient Greek words for love: philia, storge, agape and eros. In Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics, philia is usually translated as “friendship” or affection. The complete opposite is called a phobia.