existential ramblings

I am so tired and angry

Why won’t life just let me be

Leave me alone to sink

Instead of offering solace

In making my self better

All the things to be done

Just to function

Releasing oneself from this matrix

Should be treated as an act of bravery

To find the end of self to only see nothingness

It takes bravery to risk the pain of those who love you to escape this fate

What if I was weak and easy to break

Would anyone of you given me a break?

Or would you surrounded me like prey

It takes courage to face the fact

that in each of our realities we are the victim

So we all are antagonist in each others stories

We compile many virtues to tell a tale of glory

Or one of pity and betrayal

Is this existence solely to do one harm?

I know im not innocent.

Because I am just, right and pure

The more you fuck around and find out

that I’m not so sure.

Who sent me flowers or brought me a meal?

Who showed up at my door with a care package?

Who has done any of the things I would do for them?

Then I realize that I’m so imperfect.

I can’t always be there for everybody,

No matter how hard I try someone is gonna say you could have done better?

Maybe so, but maybe no.

Because I can’t and I’ve tried.

easier to run away or die.

Maybe just disappear without a trace.

Isn’t that what death is? Either way you flip it.

How could they leave me and not give me what I need?

Who is so much better than me?

Am I not enough for them to do better?

What about us? Isn’t that enough and even more?

The greatest miracle would be a divine counterpart.

Or a human who loves themselves so much that everything is always enough.

I’ll just go back to sleep and plug back in

Wake up and do it all over again.